"I watched these fall out of a guy’s brown bag and roll into the street,” wrote Pedestretarian contributor Anna Goren, “and I took a picture. Am I going to hell?” This is a question nearly everyone familiar with the concept of hell has asked themselves. According to somebody’s ideology, nearly everyone is deserving of eternal punishment, whatever form that may take. Nonetheless, based on my knowledge of hell, I would say Anna is probably not going there. Anything lasting an eternity seems implausible, and I can’t recall any circle of hell (I am best acquainted with Dante’s model) that was related to or contained tomatoes. However I would say it’s obvious that if such a hell existed, it would be one in which Anna constantly watched her own tomatoes roll away, perhaps while being laughed at by imps or other sinister mythological creatures. Of course, this damnation would be worth witnessing the actual moment of a food’s abandonment, as Anna did. She reports the tomatoes looked fresh, as they had just been purchased, but sustained some bruising on impact with the street.
If you find food on the street, send location and description to firstname.lastname@example.org