"I watched these fall out of a guy’s brown bag and
roll into the street,” wrote Pedestretarian contributor Anna Goren, “and I took
a picture. Am I going to hell?” This is a question nearly everyone familiar
with the concept of hell has asked themselves. According to somebody’s
ideology, nearly everyone is deserving of eternal punishment, whatever form
that may take. Nonetheless, based on my knowledge of hell, I would say Anna is
probably not going there. Anything lasting an eternity seems implausible, and I
can’t recall any circle of hell (I am best acquainted with Dante’s model) that
was related to or contained tomatoes. However I would say it’s obvious that if
such a hell existed, it would be one in which Anna constantly watched her own
tomatoes roll away, perhaps while being laughed at by imps or other sinister
mythological creatures. Of course, this damnation would be worth witnessing the
actual moment of a food’s abandonment, as Anna did. She reports the tomatoes
looked fresh, as they had just been purchased, but sustained some bruising on
impact with the street.
If you find food on the street, send location and description to sgalvin1000@gmail.com
